The Rant

I have so much to say tonight.  I want to rant and rave. I want to pitch a big ol' hissy fit.
But I'm tired.  I don't want to type.  And I don't want to use what little energy I have to gripe on here about people that have really been working my last nerve....because after all this blog is about me..and my problems...not the myriad of problems I have to listen to all day from my friends.  I'm tired of being supportive...I'm tired of being the one to send "just thinking of you" cards (when is someone going to send me a flipping card)...I'm tired of remembering the birthdays, anniversaries and children's names.  I'm tired of being thoughtful and compassionate.  Where does it get you.  Nowhere...but bitter. 
I've held some of this in for months because I didn't want to hurt other people...but you know what...this is my blog and I'm going to say what I want so get ready.

It should have been me up there...I'm less weird.  It should have been me.
I'm tired of listening to how bad your husband is and how miserable he makes you..leave his butt and stop talking about it.  I hate how you talk over top of me and only talk about your problems.  You always call me at the most inconvenient time and then continuously call if I don't answer.  I hate how you have changed for him.  And he doesn't even care.  I hate how you changed completely and you haven't even noticed.  It should have been me.  I hate that I go out of my way to be there for everybody but no one does that for me.  It should have been me.  You are trashy and I'm classy but you are never alone (ok...so this rant isn't my classiest moment but I need to get it off my chest).  I hate that my family is a freaking mess.  I hate that I harbor ill feelings towards my own brother.  I hate that we were born into dysfunction.  I regret the things I haven't done.  I feel like I've wasted so much precious time.  I want more.  It should have been me.  I care too much.  I love to hard.  Life isn't fair.  When I'm in a bad way and need someone none of you ever answer.   And you....you couldn't get enough of me.  I was all you needed and now...I'm an afterthought.   And you....we were best friends for 10 years...and you lied and betrayed me time after time and now...I'm an afterthought.  And you...I adored your kids..sent them gifts and you never thanked me...you never acknowledged them. 

I'm just tired of being the one that is always there.  Just once I want to say..remember me.  Remember me...the crazy one.  Think about how I may feel.  Think about what you say before you say it.   And you..sometimes I just want to talk to you....talk about me that is...not about you.  Like it used to be before.  When I was fresh and new.  It should have been me.
  
But it wasn't and now I'm good.  I'm done.  It's off my chest and it's over. This rant was a conglomerate of about 30 different people so don't think it was you or you.....or maybe it was.  You'll never know.  I'm good.  I'm less tired.  I'm free.

It should have been me.