Mama

Until 3 years ago, when I acknowledged I was sick and sought help, I viewed my mother as just the person that gave birth to me.  Sounds cold, but so was she.  As long as I did everything right and didn't stir the water everything was fine.  She and my father are ostriches with their parenting styles; if something is wrong or troublesome they stick their heads in the sand and hope it goes away.  I'm assuming this was how they were raised since I've read you tend to following your parents' parenting styles.  But when I got sick, and was removed from work for 3 months, my mama changed.  She became the mama that I've always needed.  She lost her coldness and became loving and supportive.  She stayed up with me many a night when I couldn't sleep.  She's totally got my back.  When I quit my job and was told I had to leave immediately, I got really upset, and wanted to disappear for a while.  So I wandered around Asheville-never a smart idea to try to disappear.  When I came back to reality, I found out that my mother, who doesn't leave the house unless she's perfect, went flying down to the bank BAREFOOT to see "what they had done to me".  Now my mama is my friend.  And more.  Happy Valentines Day Mama!

No Love Like Your Daddy's

My future husband (if there is one) will have a lot to live up too.....because let's face it a girl's first love is her Daddy.  When I turned 16 and wanted a sporty little red car...my daddy found me one.  When I graduated from college and wanted a sportier little red car...my daddy found me one.  Three years later....another red car with Daddy.  Then last year...I did the unthinkable....I bought a new red car, alone, without Daddy.  He was devastated.  He refuses to discuss her.  It's like I cheated on him at Morganton Honda.  He refuses to take her for maintenance as he did the girls before her...he doesn't wash and wax her like the others.  If me choosing a car without him did this....what will happen if a man takes me away and buys me a new little sportier red car??????

My Daddy has been my Valentine for 30 odd some years....yep, a hard act to follow.  He's a man of few words, has the Murphy Irish temper, has contributed to me being spoiled rotten, and refers to me as "his favorite little turd".  It's going to be tough.......Happy Valentines Day Daddy!!

Like Johnny and June....

"I wanna love like Johnny and June....till the of time.  I wanna love.  Love ya that much.  Give it all up.  And when you're gone.  I wanna go too.  Like Johnny and June."  -  Heidi Newfield (obscure country artist)

Johnny and June Cash.  Sure they don't seem like Romeo and Juliet but take out the affairs, drugs, alcohol, prison and drama and what do you get....burning love.  Ring of Fire all the way to Jackson (my last Johnny Cash pun by the way).

I want to be the woman of my husbands dreams.  I want to be the woman who makes him sorry to leave me in the morning and eager to come home at night.  I want a love that burns with passion and thrives with friendship.  I've made the bridesmaid circuit....I've got 8 fabulous gowns that "I can just wear again and again"  (haven't wore them yet by the way)...I have the pictures of the 5 bouquets that I've caught and the embarassing garter ritual all with short men (for the record).  I just want one man to be gobsmacked with me....and preferably I would like to return the sentiment.

Oddly enough I'm not looking for the preppy boy with the polo shirt and khaki pants.  Even though I'm the most straight-laced girl around.  I'm looking for the Jesse James of men (minus the affairs, porn addictions and lies)...the man that's rough around the edges but cleans up good for church.  The man that is wild and fun.  The man that makes my parents shudder.  Now I've brought home some that have made them shudder....but for a totally different reason.  A memorable quote from my father was "is that the best you could do".  And yes I could, I was trying to settle. 

I have the wedding planned.  A quaint affair for 2 at a North Carolina courthouse of my choice.  I'll be wearing a subtle dress in black or red.  My mother is dreaming of a Steel Magnolias wedding full of "blush and bashful" or "pink and pink" but that wedding will never take place with me in it.  I want it on a whim.  See everything is planned....I just need my Jesse James, my Johnny Cash.....my country boy with a heart of gold.

On that note...got a online dating request from user name "bgdckbdby"...fill in the vowels.  Looks like I won't be "walking the line" (one last Johnny pun) anytime soon. 

Single Lady Puts Foot in Mouth

So I've already offended someone in my 2nd day in the world of blogdom....it appears I have offended my most recent blind date.  What does it say that he immediately thought it was him that I was referring too...because as I had stated there were 3 blind dates.  I guess the short comment hit pretty hard.  Oh well.....this has saved me from having to let him down easy.  I didn't apologize for my "short" comment...I told him when we met that for most of my life  I was a docile sweet girl that agreed with everyone and didn't want to hurt anyones feelings....but that all changed 3 years ago.  Now I'm blunt.  I say it like it is.  Because indeed "it is what it is".  I'm not into sugar-coating or sparing ones feelings.  I'm 100% real.  This may keep me single forever but if you can't accept me for who I am or what I say....I don't want you!!  Now I do have tact...don't get me wrong.   Anyway....men don't like being referred to as "short" in blogs...for future reference!!!!!    And really, that was the least of his issues. 

Blind Dates and Other Horror Stories

I've reached a point in my life where everyone feels compelled to fix me up with the "most perfect guy".  Now I appreciate the thought and the help but I think I'm done..."Blind Dating".  As I get older they just get worse.  I've had 3 recently...3.  I'm not a shallow person....age, weight and looks don't really bother me.  Height does.  I don't consider myself overly tall....I'm 5'6"...maybe 5'8"ish with shoes but that hardly constitutes me being an Amazon Queen.  But for some reason every blind date I have is vertically challenged.  It sounds petty as I sit here and read my own words but I just can't handle a short man.  Now I have met some great short men...and we all know that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban look fabulous together but there are no Keith Urbans in my blind-dating queue.  And I myself have been on the receiving end of shallowness....1 potential bachelor ruled me out because I'm "plus size"...his words.  Guess what...he was vertically challenged.  Now I could have pointed out that I could lose weight, but he couldn't get any taller, but I remembered my manners. I feel like blind dating is a job interview with no outcome..."what do you like to do"..." So I guess I'm going to sit back and hope for the best when it comes to dating.....put it in Gods hands.  In the meantime I'll sit at home and watch my favorite forensic file shows about killing husbands!!  :) 

Btw...I'm devoting February to love, cupid, pink etc.......seemed appropriate.

Now for March get ready to hear about the "unluck" of this Irish girl

Life and Love

I always thought I'd marry my best friend...after all I let him cry on my shoulder during and after his divorce.  I put my job on the line and lost a friendship (albeit not a good one) to testify on his behalf to gain custody of his child.  I was his personal banker and assistant...his confidant and his "friend with benefits".  I guess what it really boils down to is that we fell in love with each other at different times.  He fell for me when I was head over heels after his best friend.  I fell for him when he was falling for someone else.  I doubt she knows about me...I know about her by accident.  Okay....Facebook stalking isn't actually an accident per se but he never intended to tell me.  My Nancy Drew skills that day led to tears...he was engaged and had been for 3 years.  We told each other everything.  Two days later I confronted him...his answer was simple.  He loved me too much to hurt me.  While this answer might seem trite to some...from him it's true.  Now my other friends told me to "write him off"..."never speak to him again" but I couldn't.  Looking at our friendship I realize that we are meant to be best friends, so far a more lasting tie than passion-more durable, more constant.  Any man I've been involved with has grown jealous of him.  After all, an attraction does exist.  Our dynamic does not, quite, mirror the feeling between me and my girlfriends.  I consider him a handsome man, as he also finds my company physically pleasing.  Yet the electricity is muted, domestic, without urgency, like the hum of a refrigerator.  We are honest to the point of appalling.  Because anything either thinks is by definition of interest, we are never bored, never boring.  Friends rarely resort to the L word.  But when you flush with joy laying eyes on a man, and battle a continual, buried dread that he will die, what do you call it but love.  I guess it is true what they say about different kinds of love.  One day I'll have to watch him marry another....hopefully I'll have someone beside me to help me thru it.  But I'll always have the memories and I know I'll always be his "Murph".