This week of my life has been interesting to say the least. I went to police school at the NCJA (that would be the North Carolina Justice Academy for those of you not in law enforcement), I attended a continuing ed class for my tax preparation job, I worked my full time job at SF and my part time gig at the BMPD. I had the 1st of 3 tests to take tonight at the police station....made a 100. Tomorrow I single handedly will coordinate all crime fighting in the 7 sq mile radius of Black Mountain....excited? Extremely!! Scared?? Extremely!! Tomorrow night I have to take a test on retirement planning. And this week is Mental Health Awareness Week.
I'm a member of several "groups" on Facebook who deal with different types of mental illness...and this week has been a very important part of their lives...many of them campaign to break the stigma associated with mental illness...some choose to wallow in their own self-pity ( I can say this cause I once was a wallower)....and others like me just wave their big old crazy flag out for the whole world to see. I'm not ashamed. I've said it before and I'll say it again.....I wouldn't change what's happened in my life for all the money in the world. Having my mental illness has made me stronger, bolder....and FEARLESS. Which leads me to my blog.
This morning I ran into a person who is a friend of a friend. And while I was trying to casually move them along so I could get on with my day....they said something that shocked me......the person said that they knew I would be successful because in the past several years I have become "fearless". Fearless... me?? I obsessed over worms eating my brain for an hour after reading it online this morning. I've had the nervous tinkles for the past 24 hours.....that's southern lady talk for...."I'm peeing constantly"..and I'm not ashamed to say I googled the symptoms of kidney failure. So yeah, fearless isn't a word I'd use.
But then I started thinking....rationally, that is. A "normal' person with anxiety would NEVER take a job as a police dispatcher. They would be a nervous wreck....pun intended. But I took it to prove that I can do it. This crazy girl can do anything you can do-- but better. So maybe I am fearless.....I've never let a challenge stop me (once I decided to stop wallowing in pity and instead chose to embrace the uniqueness that is me). So I guess ol' what's her name at the gas station was/is right....I am fearless. Sweet-soft-spoken-southern girl-girly girl me. Fearlessness comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and texture...even Glitter. My most favorite accessory!! Fear can protect us and it can paralyze us. Courage can give us the push to take risks, and the guts to get up when we fail. Being fearless is having the strength to stand strong whenever faced with adversity with no concern for what others think. Fearlessness: the more you exercise it, the easier it becomes. I'm learning to manage my fear by stepping out of my comfort zones....crossing lines off my bucket list....and doing things I've only dreamed of before. And it all happened when I stopped worrying about "what if" (every now and then I backslide...like the kidney failure incident this morning) and decide to go with "what the hell" instead.
So this is my tribute to mental health awareness week.....face your fears. They might make you a better person....definitely a stronger one...always a memorable one.
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