Today I was brave.....for a little bit

and now i'm not brave......i'm scared of cough medicine.
i'm tired of coughing continuously.  i'm on webmd.....my banned website.  most people are banned from porn.  not me...it's webmd.  so far i have whooping cough, pneumonia, bronchitis and maybe a touch of tuberculosis.  i've called my college roommate/pharmacist for advice....she says delsyium.  i've called my primary care pharmacist here in black mountain....she says delsyium and to let it run it's course.  if i let it run it's course i may be institutionalized.  

as i was leaving work today...my coworker said and i quote..."you are really handling this whole sickness thing really well....i figured by now you'd be making up crazy diseases and stuff....you are making progress"....i laughed and told her i had it under control.  i totally don't.

i was without insurance for over a year....i was healthy as a horse....a crazy horse...but healthy.  now i have the crappiest insurance available and i'm on my deathbed.  the irony.  the misery.

even the dog won't get near me. 
i've analyzed my mucus production....i should seek medical care if it's green.....it's not green.  i'm coughing up nothing...just a dry hacking cough. a cough that will probably set up as pneumonia as my mamaw told me earlier.  i've taken the usual home remedies....tea, honey, lemon, moonshine, hot toddy...vaporizer...cough drops with a pep talk...i just want to be better.  i don't DO sick well. 

so today i was brave for a little bit....i had big plans for the future.  wishes, dreams and laughter but now it's me and the delsyium that i'm afraid to take. 

i guess brave for a little bit is better than not being brave at all.