Or maybe it's the fact that my right baby toe is about to come loose from my foot. I know I'm a raging hypochondriac....and working with the public doesn't do me any favors. Btw, something is wrong with my little toe. But it seems like when stress enters my life I obsess about random and far-reaching health issues. Like the toe...that's swollen. So I thought I could handle the new job...I love my co-workers and my new boss. But I think I may be too stupid for insurance. I admit....I'm a control freak. But I didn't realized how bad it was until I embarked on my new career venture. At the bank....I knew everything....I knew all the customers, every aspect of my job and of those around me....people called me for help. People still call me for help. I stopped by a branch on Friday and as a customer I had to help them....it was refreshing. I wasn't the girl with the million questions or the million mistakes.....I was the smart girl. I have a hard time being the stupid girl. It's very overwhelming starting a new job. Completely new. The day goes by fast and I'm certainly being challenged unlike at the bank but I hate feeling dumb. I don't know anything about roof lines or hardy board......or masonry veneer. And I don't understand why when one family is past due on their insurance they go out and buy a new car they can't afford. And I'm supposed to be selling life insurance hand over fist....people don't know me in Candler. In Blk Mtn...I had a fan base....I was the one everybody loved....they flocked in to see me. In Candler I'm nobody. My toe hurts when I move it back and forth. I keep thinking I'm doing better then a new crop of mistakes come up. And then I wonder...is this what I was meant to do??? Was this my true calling??? All the money in the world and a company car wouldn't take me back to the bank...but I just don't know. I have a hard time being stupid. What happens if your little toe falls off?? And then I have a twitch in my right eye. I feel like I was really talked up to my new boss...by a previous bank customer who referred me to the job...and I hate to think that I'm not meeting expectations. It's very hard for me not being perfect. I can do crazy....I have a hard time with stupid. Further updates on the little toe "that cried weewee all the way home".
On a side note.......someone asked me how I could throw my life out there on the internet for everyone to read....I never really thought about it, but Susan Reinhardt from the Asheville paper had a good quote that sums it right up......"the most powerful writing is when you open up a vein and bleed". So that's what I'm doing....I'm bleeding for all the world to see. I'm not afraid to throw my crazy out there for everyone to read.....maybe it will help someone else with the same issues....it's helped me to get it off my chest.
With every new job there is a learning curve. If your new boss hasn't fired you yet, then you are more than meeting his expectations. Mistakes are common, as long as you learn from them, they are worth making. However, I totally understand the feeling. You are not alone with that at all. I feel like I am the stupidest human being almost on a daily basis. It doesn't help that I think that my kindergartner is possibly smarter than I. Eh, well, maybe he'll support me one day. Keep your chin up. It will get easier...
ReplyDeleteAlso, if your little toe falls off, you will be a little off balance. Though if you are already off balance, then maybe it will just correct that. ;)
If your toe falls off, we will just super glue it back on...or since you are in Candler now, we could fix you up with "Candler Chrome" I hear you can even get it with some sparkles!
ReplyDeleteAlso, you already know more than your boss so there is no need to feel stupid and that totally awesome co-worker of yours doesn't mind your mistakes because mistakes mean that you are trying. Honestly, so what if you decide that insurance is not for you, at least you had the courage to try something new and you can mark selling insurance off of your list of possible occupations.
ReplyDeleteYou may have some crazy in you, but you have a hell of a lot of strength as well, maybe you can't see it like the rest of us.