So yesterday I had my monthly meeting with my psychiatrist....yes, it's true!! I'm officially crazy. I affectionately refer to him as the "crazy doctor". Nice man...really like him. With him I can let "my crazy hang out"...no holding back. So, I'm not going to lie...I've had a rough 6 weeks since my last visit with him. Lots of work stress, personal life stress...worries about no health insurance and the bird flu....worries about how I'll be stuck living with my brother for the rest of my days...worried about worrying....worried about my floating poop....worrying about my dog who was limping...worrying about how watching Hoarders upsets me...worrying about how it bothers me when people mix the play-doh colors. Where was I. Anyway....I lost control with him and ended up being a crying, sobbing, shuddering mess.....and I'm not a pretty crier. You know a crier that just has tears streaming down their face. No, not me. I'm the one that's face turns red and striped...rather zebra like....I'm all snotty and belligerent. It's a good thing I pay him so much to sit and watch me cry. Anyway, I'm kind of torn with this post. Do I be completely honest with something that's bothering me at the risk of hurting one of my friends who could potentially read this or do I just keep it inside like a festering boil....eating away at me.
Fester away boil....I can't do it. But I told him. And I also told him that I'm feeling so frustrated at my new job. I was the top salesperson at the job that I previously held at a financial institution....I didn't like how my career was not progressing so I moved on. Well, now I'm a selling machine. I live to sell. I'm like a barracuda. I could sell an igloo to an Eskimo for twice the going price....I completely have the makings to be a used car salesman but I digress. ...... my issue was an upcoming event that I don't have an escort too. I don't even want to go to the event. It's nothing personal...just another reminder that I'm alone and since I'm not in a "good place" right now...I just felt it was better not to attend...but guilt has grabbed a hold of me...so I'm going. I was telling my doc....let's call him Dr. Who...that I'm tired of being the token "old maid"...and that I couldn't find a man if I advertised on Craigslist...well I probably could but then I would end up on Snapped or Dateline. He's adamant about the online dating scene....I've tried it.....visited Christian Mingle (ummmm....not sure that everyone there is a Christian or if they are there are different interpretations of "mingle")...did eHarmony free weekend and got matched up with a quadriplegic (bless his heart)....tried match.com and ended up with a relative. So no more. His answer now. If I put as much effort into finding a man as I do selling insurance, or selling bank products, or selling jewelry....I'll be married before the year is up. So I guess tomorrow when I pick up the phone to cold call for insurance....I'll throw in a "hi, I'm single...how about you?'.........sigh.
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